Standing with shaking hands behind the lectern was never on your wish list. Yet here you are—called to speak for someone whose story deserves more than clichés and nerves. Let’s be honest: writing a eulogy isn’t about wordsmithing the perfect speech, but holding a mirror up to the person you loved. From the anxious first draft to the final, wobbly goodbye, this guide walks alongside you (occasional tea break recommended).
Rough Beginnings: Why Honesty Beats Eloquence in a Eulogy
When learning how to write a eulogy, many first-time speakers worry about getting every word perfect. The truth is, the most heartfelt eulogies are rarely flawless. Instead, they are honest, personal, and sometimes a little rough around the edges. In Australia, where funerals often favour authenticity and even a touch of humour over formality, a genuine tribute will always resonate more than a polished performance.
Consider the story of a first-time eulogy writer. Their hands shook, voice cracked, and tears interrupted their sentences. There were stutters and long pauses, but every word came from the heart. Friends and family later said it was one of the most moving tributes they had ever heard. This rawness, far from being a weakness, was a powerful reminder of the love and connection shared with the person being honoured.
Why Authenticity Matters More Than Perfection
Surveys show that 70% of Australian funeral attendees value personal stories and memories over formal achievements. A eulogy is not a biography; it’s a curated collection of moments, quirks, and qualities that made someone unique. The best eulogy outlines focus on:
Passions and interests
Memorable moments
Character traits
Stories that highlight their spirit
As Emma Shortis puts it:
"Most of us would rather hear a real story with rough edges than a polished but distant speech."
It’s these relatable stories that create a sense of community among mourners, helping everyone feel connected in their grief and celebration of life.
Embracing Nerves and Imperfection
Common fears—forgetting lines, crying, or making people uncomfortable—are not only normal, but often help forge a real connection. Emotional nerves can be endearing, showing just how much the person meant to you. In fact, many attendees find comfort in seeing the speaker’s genuine emotion, as it gives them permission to feel their own.
Australian eulogies typically last 5–7 minutes, leaving plenty of room for honest expression. If you stumble or need a moment to compose yourself, it’s okay. A eulogy is not a performance; it’s a tribute. There’s space for slips, laughter, and warmth.
Personalisation Is the Key
When writing a eulogy, focus on what made your loved one special. Share a favourite story, a funny mishap, or a simple memory that captures their essence. These details are what people remember, not the eloquence of your delivery. The most meaningful eulogies prioritise feeling and connection over perfect speech.
In the end, honesty always beats eloquence. If you speak from the heart, your words will resonate—no matter how rough the beginning might feel.
What’s at the Heart: Assembling Your Eulogy’s Building Blocks
Every memorable eulogy begins with a simple question: what truly matters about the person you’re honouring? Before you start writing, it helps to understand the essential eulogy structure and gather the right building blocks. Whether you’re using an eulogy template or starting from scratch, these steps will help you create a heartfelt funeral tribute that resonates.
Begin with the Basics: Biographical Details
Set the scene by sharing a few key facts. Include their birth date, where they grew up, and a brief mention of family and career. This isn’t the time for a full biography—just enough to give context for those listening. For example:
“John Smith was born in Melbourne in 1948, the eldest of three siblings...”
“She worked as a nurse for over 30 years, always putting others first...”
These details ground your eulogy and help everyone recall the person’s journey.
Gather Stories: The Heart of Funeral Tribute Writing
Stories are what bring a eulogy to life. Ask family members and friends for their favourite memories, and don’t shy away from including a cheeky anecdote or two. In Australia, it’s common to share a story that makes people smile through their tears. Gathering input from relatives not only enriches your speech but also ensures you reflect the person’s full life, not just your own perspective.
“Mum always had a knack for burning toast, but she’d laugh and say it added crunch.”
“Uncle Dave’s fishing stories were legendary—especially the one about the ‘one that got away’.”
Look for Themes: What Made Them Unique?
As you collect stories, notice any recurring themes. Did they have a signature phrase, a quirky hobby, or a cause they championed? Maybe they were known for their generosity, or their love of gardening. Highlighting these themes gives your eulogy shape and helps listeners connect with the person’s spirit.
“The trick is not to tell every detail, but to share the details that bring them to life.” – Dr. Thomas Fisher
Decide Your Shape: Chronological, Thematic, or Patchwork
There’s no single right way to organise your eulogy draft. Some prefer a chronological approach—moving from childhood to later years. Others use a thematic structure, grouping stories by qualities (like humour, kindness, or resilience). Or, you might weave together a patchwork of anecdotes that simply feel right. Each style has its merits; choose what feels most comfortable and authentic for you.
For those feeling stuck, Evaheld eulogy resources offer helpful eulogy templates and prompts to break writer’s block. Remember, a typical eulogy runs 600–800 words (about five minutes spoken aloud), so focus on the moments that truly capture their essence.
Above all, don’t be afraid to go off-script if it honours your loved one. The best funeral tributes are those that feel genuine, personal, and lovingly assembled from the building blocks of a life well-lived.
Crafting with Compassion: Words, Tone, and the Odd Flash of Humour
When it comes to writing a eulogy, the words you choose and the tone you set are just as important as the stories you share. Many first-time speakers worry about getting the “right” words, but the truth is, a heartfelt eulogy is less about perfect grammar and more about honest, compassionate expression. In Australian funerals, a conversational tone is not only accepted—it’s appreciated. Even if you stumble, people will remember the heart behind your words, not the slip-ups.
Finding the Right Eulogy Tone
The ideal eulogy tone is warm, genuine, and true to both you and the person you’re remembering. Some eulogies lean towards biography, listing milestones and achievements. Others are woven with stories, inside jokes, and moments that capture the spirit of the loved one. Most blend both. The key is to write as you’d speak to a friend about the person—honest, loving, and real.
Conversational language: Use simple, clear words. Speak from the heart, not from a script.
Balance: Mix memories, gentle humour, and sentiment for a tribute that feels complete.
Personal touch: Include anecdotes, favourite sayings, or quirks that made your loved one unique.
The Healing Power of Gentle Humour
It’s natural to wonder if humour belongs in a eulogy. Research shows that 82% of mourners appreciate sincere humour during funeral speeches. A well-placed, light-hearted story or a funny memory can provide comfort and even relief in a heavy moment. As Greg Page once said:
“Humour is a powerful thread that keeps memories from unravelling too quickly.” — Greg Page
Don’t shy away from laughter, even at a funeral. If your loved one was the life of the party, or simply enjoyed a good joke, sharing these moments is a way to honour their personality. Laughter can be healing, reminding everyone that joy and sorrow often walk hand in hand.
Adding Depth with Quotes, Poems, or Lyrics
Sometimes, a favourite poem, quote, or song lyric can say what’s in your heart when you can’t find the words. If it fits your relationship, consider weaving in a short verse or a line from a song they loved. These touches add another layer of personality to your funeral tribute writing and help others connect with your memories.
Example: “As Mum always sang, ‘You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…’”
Example: “Dad loved Banjo Paterson—‘There was movement at the station…’”
Remember, eulogy heartfelt writing is about capturing the essence of your loved one. Whether you lean on stories, gentle humour, or a favourite quote, let your words reflect the unique life you’re celebrating. In the end, it’s the compassion and authenticity that make a eulogy resonate.
From Draft to Delivery: Emotional Preparation and Practical Tips for Speaking
Writing and delivering a eulogy can feel overwhelming, especially for first-time speakers. This section offers practical eulogy draft help and eulogy delivery tips to guide you from your first words to the final farewell, ensuring your tribute is heartfelt, clear, and memorable.
Start with a Raw Draft
When beginning your eulogy, don’t worry about perfect grammar or structure. The most important thing is to get your memories and stories onto the page. Pour out your thoughts, anecdotes, and feelings—let it flow naturally. You can always trim, rearrange, and polish later. Many find it helpful to use online resources like Evaheld for eulogy draft help and writing a eulogy examples to spark ideas and provide structure.
Edit and Refine with Compassion
Once your stories are down, read through and highlight the moments that truly capture your loved one’s spirit. Aim for a eulogy that lasts about five minutes—this respects the audience’s attention span and keeps your message focused. Remove repetition or details that might distract from your main points. Remember, clarity and sincerity matter more than eloquence.
Practice Aloud—It Makes All the Difference
Practicing your eulogy aloud is just as important as writing it. Reading to a mate, family member, or even your dog can help you catch awkward phrasing and get comfortable with the flow. This step is vital for first-time speakers, as studies show 67% of Australians feel nervous before giving a eulogy. Practising aloud helps manage nerves and builds confidence.
Print your eulogy in a large font for easy reading.
Mark pauses or emotional moments with a highlighter.
Keep a glass of water and tissues handy—there’s no shame in needing either.
Emotional Preparation: Expect and Accept Feelings
It’s completely normal to feel emotional while delivering a eulogy. In fact, audiences expect it and empathise. If you become choked up or need to pause, simply take a breath. No one is watching the clock. As Anita Heiss wisely says:
"Every faltering pause is another chance to show how much you care."
Pauses give both you and the audience space to reflect and honour your loved one. If you need to, step back, sip water, or dab your eyes. Your genuine emotion is a tribute in itself.
Final Delivery Tips
Arrive early to get comfortable with the space.
Bring a printed copy (and a backup, just in case).
Speak slowly and clearly—there’s no rush.
Remember, everyone is there to support you and honour the person you’re remembering.
With thoughtful preparation and practice, anyone can deliver a meaningful eulogy. The most important thing is to speak from the heart, knowing that every word, pause, and tear is a testament to your love and respect.
Wildcard Realities: When Things Go Off Script (and Why That’s Okay)
Even with the best eulogy writing tips and careful preparation, funerals rarely unfold exactly as planned. The reality is, writing a funeral speech is only half the journey—the other half is delivering it in a room filled with emotion, memories, and the unpredictable energy of people gathered to say goodbye. It’s common for things to go off script: a mobile phone might ring, a wave of tears might stop you mid-sentence, or a funny memory might spark unexpected laughter. These moments can feel daunting, but they are also what make a eulogy—and the ceremony itself—genuine and memorable.
Embracing these wildcard realities is one of the most important eulogy writing techniques. Over 90% of celebrants in a recent Australian survey said that ad-libs or interruptions often created the most meaningful moments in a service. When a eulogy speaker pauses to collect themselves, or when the room erupts in laughter at a shared memory, it reminds everyone that grief and love are deeply human experiences. Sincerity always trumps control. If you stumble or need to pause, remember you are surrounded by people who share your love and your loss. As Michael Leunig wisely said:
"If you lose your way, remember: you’re surrounded by people who share your love and your loss."
One helpful eulogy speaker advice is to imagine what your loved one might say if they were there to witness the moment. If your tribute gets derailed, picture them giving you a wink, cracking a joke, or offering a gentle nudge to keep going. Sometimes, this simple exercise can lighten the mood and help you find your footing again. It’s a reminder that the person you’re honouring would likely want you to be kind to yourself, not to strive for perfection.
Another practical eulogy writing tip is to always have a backup plan. Bring a printed copy of your speech, even if you plan to read from a device. Let a trusted friend or family member know you might need support, or ask the celebrant to be ready to step in if you become overwhelmed. There is no shame in pausing, regrouping, or even asking someone else to finish your words. Allowing others to support you is not a sign of weakness—it’s a testament to the community that surrounds you and your loved one.
Ultimately, writing funeral speeches that resonate means accepting that things might not go perfectly. In fact, it’s often the wild, unscripted moments that linger in our memories and bring comfort long after the service ends. Eulogy writing techniques that embrace unpredictability, rather than fight it, help create a tribute that is honest, heartfelt, and truly alive. So, if things go off script, take a breath and keep going. The most important thing is your sincerity and the love you share in honouring a life well lived.
